Are You Sabotaging Your Happiness?
We often sabotage our happiness, wierd huh? Yes indeed we sabotage happy relationships and even our futures. Why we do this is based on sub concious thoughts that were planted in our minds as young children. Everything that we react and respond to is based on our personal experiences. I have seen it in three of my personal relationships where my guy either cheated or ran out of fear or expectations that I did not and could not meet. It was not until my therapist pointed it out that I finally was freed from sadness, guilt and shame.
Expectations are the root of heartache and yet most if not all of us have expectations. We have self imposed expectations, expectations for others, and others have expectations for us. We tend to have high expectations in relationships; both that they will last long term and for details to which I will return in a bit. We have high expectations for our personal success, parenting, and even reputation. To set ourselves up for success we need to understand the difference between expectations and realistic goals and values. It is a great trait to be self disciplined, but everything is filtered through our personal experiences in life. It is critical to be aware, accept the situation as it is knowing some, in fact most, things are out of our control, and forgive yourself.
Change Your Mindset~ Change Your Outcome
Change is never easy, but it is worth it. Without change we become stagnant and die. Once we learn to respond rather than react we can approach all situations with positivity. The Law of Attraction itself would agree that when we are capable of surrendering our expectations and responding positively great things will come. When you find yourself attached to an outcome, pause, breathe, and observe how you feel. If you feel stress, tension, or resentment adjust your mindset. Chances are if you are angry or disappointed you had the wrong motive in the first place.It is no joke learning to let go. Anyone who says they live completely free from expectation is kidding themselves, but we can all try a bit harder which will lead to increased happiness and decreased stress. Changing our mind set requires us to remain present. You hear many wise people and sages preaching about the power of now and that is because setting expectations is future based and blinds us of possibilities unfolding in the present moment.
If you want your husband to buy you flowers and he doesn’t. This creates dissapointment. The poor guy likely has no clue how badly you wanted the flowers. But your resentment will grow. Learn to use The Five Love Languages to communicate better. There may be things he wants too and he may feel the same dissapointment. Meanwhile, learn to buy yourself flowers. I mentioned earlier that expectations can seem impossible in relationships so try to communicate respectfully and openly with your partner.
If you agree to meet friends at a public event. I definitely struggle with anxiety so showing up alone at crowded venues makes me nervous, but allow yourself options. For example; maybe you have to park far away. You could consider turning around and going home or take an uber. If you cannot find your friends consider just being present and enjoying the event solo.
If you are working hard and expect a raise. Consider the fact that a raise may not be financially possible even though the company appreciates your hard work. Evaluate if you are doing what you love.
Living yoga is not just a physical practice on the mat. It is a disciplined way of living as perscribed by the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali thousands of years ago. It takes daily practice both on and off the mat, but the goal is to reach enlightmenment, or ultimate bliss. Sounds good, right? Of course, but like all things great it does not come easy. Aparigraha is the 5th Yama in the 8 limbs of yoga. It means non possessiveness both physically and mentally. We live in a society plagued with the desire for more. But, it goes back to the principle that our expieriences are each personal. Someone who lives in poverty and has no roof over their head would be ecstatic with running water let alone a hot bath. Someone on the other hand who is affluent may turn their nose us at a Courtyard instead of a Ritz. Everything is relative and yet we all self impose expectations. When we see what and who we need verses what we do not we are then aware and able to move forward free from outcome. When we can observe each situation free from judement it opens to the door to unlimited possibilities.
We can never truly posses anything that is not meant to be ours. Jeleousy is a dangerous game where we never win. Envy is similar. So let go of outcomes and possessions. Live from a heart centered place rather than an ego driven one. Take only what you truly need. Give love when you can and take some when your cup is low. When we have faith that the universe provides what we need when we need it the stress dissipates and life becomes abundant. As you enjoy the autumn leaves and all their glorious color remind yourself that just as their leaves fall we too need to let go.
Peace and Joy,